


In my dreams I feel your name

by Mimisempai



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Dreams, First Meetings, Heartbeats, M/M, Morse Code
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-26
Updated: 2020-08-26
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:27:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,932
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26128783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mimisempai/pseuds/Mimisempai
Summary: Rafael and Sonny have known each other in dreams for as long as they can remember, but don't know who they are in real life.A particular heartbeat, however, connects them, will they discover its meaning?Prompt :Meet soulmate in their dreams every nightHeartbeat is morse code to soulmate's name
Relationships: Rafael Barba/Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr.
Comments: 8
Kudos: 36
Collections: Barisi Soulmate Bingo





	In my dreams I feel your name

_"No! We don't want you to come with us!"_

_"Yeah, you're so hopeless, you're always falling down and you can't even pass the ball!"_

_"We don't want you on our team!"_

_"But..." Sonny didn't have time to answer, the three boys had already run away._

_He let himself slide against the wall and sat down on the floor. He wrapped his arms around his knees and rested his head on it._

_He should be used to this loneliness by now._

_It's true that he was clumsy, but that wasn't a reason to leave him alone. He was always cast aside. The girls thought he was too stupid and the boys not strong enough._

_Sonny always felt like he didn't belong._

_"Hey!"_

_He didn't open his eyes, they probably weren't talking to him._

_"Hey! You! Against the wall!"_

_Sonny looked up and saw a boy about his age, brown hair, green eyes and tanned skin and not very tall. Just the opposite of Sonny who was too tall for his age, blond, blue eyes and skin so pale it was almost translucent, belying his Italian blood._

_"Me?"_

_"Well, yeah! There's no one else, are you stupid or what? I saw your friends had gone to play without you, do you want to play with me?"_

_"Uh, play what?"_

_"We can make a few passes if you want." the boy showed him the ball at his feet._

_"Yeah, but you heard them, I'm not good!"_

_"Well, then you can practice! My name is... , what's your name?"_

_When the boy said his name, Sonny hadn't heard anything because his heart had started beating in a strange rhythm. It was as if the sound resonated in his ears._

_Ba-thuump-ba_

_ba-thuump_

_Ba-ba-thuump-ba_

_ba-thuump_

_Ba_

_Ba-thuump-baba_

_And the cycle would start all over again._

_"...Yoo-hoo! Hey! Are you dreaming? I asked, what's your name?"_

_"Sonny."_

_"Hey, I didn't hear. What's your name?"_

_"Sonny."_

_The boy asked him several times and each time he didn't seem to hear his name._

_"I don't know why I can't understand your name. But that's okay. I have an idea. You know, I have two friends, between us we called ourselves the Three Musketeers, we are Athos, Porthos and Aramis. Of course I'm Porthos because he is the classiest of the 3, but the three musketeers were actually four, you know that, don't you? That's why I'll call you D'Artagnan like him! Okay?" he said, reaching out his hand to help him stand up._

_Sonny thought that he was strange but he looked so happy that he let himself be contaminated by his mood. The Three Musketeers was also one of his favorite stories. He dreamed of being brave like them._

_That's why, taking the boy's hand, he answered,"Yeah okay, Porthos"._

_"Hahaha! I feel like we're gonna have a great time!"_

_They were having a great time, like Sonny never had. They not only played with the ball but at hide-and-seek in abandoned buildings in the neighborhood too. After that they fetched an ice cream from the parlor and ate it by the river, and then threw pebbles and made ricochets. Sonny had never been so comfortable with anyone before. Was that what it was like to have a friend? It was amazing._

_Sonny was aware of his heart still beating in that particular rhythm all along._

_Ba-thuump-ba_

_ba-thuump_

_Ba-ba-thuump-b_

_ba-thuump_

_Ba_

_Ba-thuump-ba-ba_

_Then the day began to wane and his new friend said to Sonny, "I have to go home or my mother will yell at me! I had a great time! Really!" he said to Sonny, reaching out his fist. Sonny fist-bumped him and asked with hope in his voice:_

_"Will you come back and play with me again?"_

_"I will, D'artagnan!" he waved his hand as he ran away._

_"All for one and one for all Porthos!" Sonny shouted._

_Sonny followed him with his eyes until he was just a dot on the horizon, his heart returning to its normal rhythm._

_Ba-thump_

_Ba-thump_

_Ba-thump_

Bibiiip

Bibiiip

Bibiip

Sony reached out his hand to tap his alarm clock button.

He instinctively put his hand against his heart to feel its beating, before he fully realized he was awake.

Again that dream!

It had been a long time since Sonny had dreamt about Porthos. It was always the same dream. And it was every time Sonny had a difficult or stressful situation. 

It's as if his mind would find solace in the dream.

It started when he was a kid, the night right after he was attacked by Bobby Bianchi.

Tonight he must have had that dream because today he started at Manhattan SVU. This time he really wanted it to work with his new team. So surely his stressed-out mind sought comfort in the dream.

But it seemed that Sonny didn't need to stress himself out. Although, as always, he received a few dubious looks at his style, on the whole they had all been welcoming. 

Later in the morning they had explained to him the case at hand. They studied the different strategies that could be considered. As he often did when when he was thinking deeply, he tapped his fingertips on the table.

"Hey new guy," said Fin, "instead of tapping on the table, take notes, and if possible not in Morse code, because you're the one who will be conducting the interrogation. With your angel face I'm sure you'll be able to soften her up."

Sonny already liked Fin and his caustic humour and the fact that they were willing to trust him from the beginning was encouraging.

"Ahem! Got it!" Sonny concentrated and took all the notes he needed, when suddenly what Fin just said hit him!

Morse code! Morse code! What if the beat of his heart...

Ok, he had to concentrate but as soon as he had some free time he had to check it out!

He didn't have time until the evening.

His first day went well and he had a good feeling. 

Even the interrogation had gone well, the lieutenant rewarded him with a 'nice work Carisi'. He felt that this time it was the right team. In any case, he would do anything for it.

A little later in the evening, he sat on his bed with a tea cup in his hand and his laptop on his lap.   
He opened google and typed morse code into the search bar and quickly found a translation site. 

First he typed the sequence as he remembered the dream he'd had so many times.

_Ba-thuump-ba_

_ba-thuump_

_Ba-ba-thuump-ba_

_ba-thuump_

_Ba_

_Ba-thuump-baba_

He tried to transcribe the beat cycle into Morse code as he thought. A dot for the short beat and a dash for the long beat.

.-. .- ..-. .- . .-..

He copied the Morse code and pasted it in the fields.

He pressed enter. The result was not long in coming.

RAFAEL

The gears of his detective mind spun wildly. 

He was sure of it, it was the name of the boy of his dreams. The fact that the moment he told him his name in the dream, Sonny's heart started beating like this, was an irrefutable evidence.

Sonny now wondered if the dream would change now that he knew the name of his 'friend'. The fact that he could give him a real name made it much less imaginary.

He turned off his laptop, put his cup of tea on the bedside table and fell asleep thinking about Rafael. 

_"Nah! We don't want you to come with us!"_

_"Yeah, you're so hopeless, you fall down all the time and you can't even pass!"_

_(...)_

_"All for one and one for all Rafael!"_

_Rafael stopped running and retraced his steps._

_"What have you done?"_

_"What?" answered Sonny surprised._

_"You called me Rafael. I can never come back! That's my real name and so the dream cannot exist anymore!" Rafael had a desperate expression on his face_

_"No Rafael!" protested Sonny,"You are my only friend! I don't want to lose you! Don't leave me!"_

_"Sonny!"_

_"How do you know my name?"_

_"Because you called me by mine, and at that moment I knew that Sonny was your name!! That's why I have to go now! We cannot exist in dream any more ! Find me Sonny, find me! I exist!"_

_And Rafael disappeared before his eyes._

_And his heart returned to its normal rhythm._

_Ba-thump_

_Ba-thump_

_Ba-thump_

Bibiiip

Bibiiip

Bibiip

  
  


Once again Sonny turned off his alarm clock and realized what had just happened in his dream.

He didn't know what to think about it, after all it was a dream. But it was so strange. So realistic that he felt a kind of melancholy at the thought of losing his imaginary friend. 

And this feeling stayed with him all day.

____

**2 days earlier**

_4 boys were playing on the street._

_"No! We don't want you to come with us!" one of the boys said to another who looked upset._

_"Yeah, you're so hopeless, you're always falling down and you can't even pass!" added a second one._

_"We don't want you on our team!" ended the third one._

_"But..." the boy to whom the other three were addressing began to say but didn't have time to finish his sentence before the three boys had already run away._

_The boy who had been left behind slid against the wall and sat down on the floor. He wrapped his arms around his knees and rested his head on it._

_Rafael thought that he couldn't leave it like that. The other boy looked so sad that Rafael made it his mission to make him smile._

_"Hey!" he called out to the other boy..._

_He didn't open his eyes, probably thinking that Rafael wasn't talking to him._

_"Hey! You against the wall!" Rafael repeated a little louder._

_The boy raised his head._

_"Me?" he said._

_"Well yes! There's no one else, are you stupid or what?" Rafael added, "I saw that your friends had gone to play without you, do you want to play with me?"_

_"Uh, play what?"_

_"We can make some passes if you want."_

_"Yeah, but you heard them, I'm not good!"_

_"Well, so you can practice! My name is Rafael and you?"_

_The boy seemed to be lost in thought all of a sudden and didn't answer his question._

_"...Yoo-hoo! Hey! Are you dreaming? I asked what's your name?" Rafael repeated._

_" "_

_"Hey, I didn't hear. What's your name?"_

_" "_

_He asked him several times and Rafael didn't hear his name._

_He didn't know why but each time the boy pronounced his name his heart had started beating in a strange way and according to a precise cycle._

_Ba-ba-ba_

_Thuump-thuump-thuum_

_Thuump-ba_

_Thuump-ba_

_Thuump-ba-thuump-thuum_

_The boy looked at him a little curious and Rafael resumed the conversation:_

_"I don't know why I can't understand your name. But that's okay. I have an idea. You know, I have two friends, between us we call ourselves the Three Musketeers, we are Athos, Porthos and Aramis._

_Of course I'm Porthos because he is the classiest of the three, but the three musketeers were actually four, you know that, don't you? Then I'll call you D'Artagnan like the fourth! Okay?" he said, reaching out his hand to help the boy stand up._

_Rafael really liked that idea. He liked Eddie and Alex the other two Musketeers, but he liked the idea of having a D'Artagnan as the 4th of the group. Besides D'Artagnan was his favorite in the story..._

_"Yeah, Porthos," replied the boy with a smile._

_"Hahaha! I feel like we're gonna have a great time!"_

_They had fun all afternoon, Rafael took every occasion to make his new friend laugh. He was aware of his heart still beating in that particular rhythm all along._

_Ba-ba-ba_

_Thuump-thuump-thuum_

_Thuump-ba_

_Thuump-ba_

_Thuump-ba-thuump-thuum_

_Then the day began to wane and he knew he had to go home. He said to the boy, "I have to go home or my mother will yell at me! I had a great time! Really!" reaching out his fist. D'artagnan fist-bumped his in return and asked, hope in his voice:_

_"Will you come back and play with me again?"_

_"I will, D'Artagnan!" and Rafael waved his hand as he ran away._

_"All for one and one for all Porthos!"_

_Rafael turned around when he was much further away and saw that his new friend was still there. As he walked away his heart returned to normal rhythm._

_Ba-thump_

_Ba-thump_

_Ba-thump_

Rafael woke up. Always the same dream. 

These last few nights, he always had this dream. His d'Artagnan was what comforted him the most. At over 40, it must have been ridiculous, but after all it was his dream and no one was supposed to know about it.

Rafael had started having this dream the night after his father had first beaten him for some reason. And every time since then, whenever the day was too hard, he'd had this dream.

So it's no wonder with this case going on that he's having this dream on a recurring basis right now.

He had long realized that his heartbeat in this dream was Morse code and formed the word SONNY, but he had no idea what it meant. After all it was a dream, not everything could be explained.   
But he didn't know why, tonight that word was turning in his head. What could it mean ? Wait! He had always looked for the meaning of sonny in common nouns. But what if it was a first name or a nickname! Why hadn't he thought of that? 

Then it would mean that...

All the pieces fell into place, the link between the dream, the heartbeat and the name he didn't understand.

Sonny was the first name of his d'Artagnan.

Rafael was now almost eager now to re-do this dream to see if it would change anything, now that he knew. Would the Rafael of his dream also know?

And that very night when he went to bed, he tried to influence his dream by repeating in his head: "D'artagnan is Sonny".

_Four boys were playing on the street._

_"No! We don't want you to come with us!" one boy said this to another who looked upset._

_(...)_

_"All for one and one for all Rafael!"_

_Rafael stopped running and retraced his steps. What?_

_Sonny had just called him Rafael._

_Wait! Why was he thinking of him as Sonny?_

_It's as if he knew deep inside him that that was his name!_

_"What have you done?"_

_"What?"_

_"You called me Rafael. I can never come back! That's my real name and so the dream cannot exist anymore!"_

_"No Rafael! You are my only friend! I don't want to lose you! Don't leave me!" Sonny begged him._

_"Sonny!"_

_"How do you know my name?"_

_"Because you called me by mine, and at that moment I knew that Sonny was your name!! That's why I have to go now! We cannot exist in dream any more ! Find me Sonny, find me! I exist!"_

_And Rafael felt himself disappear as his heart returned to normal rhythm._

_Ba-thump_

_Ba-thump_

_Ba-thump_

"Sonny ! Find me !"

Rafael woke up to the sound of his own shouts.

Once well awake, he had the strange feeling of having lost something. So the friend of his dreams was called Sonny. It was kind of strange and sad to learn the name of someone who only existed in dreams and to know that you would never use that name.

_____

  
  


"Carisi, you're about to meet our district attorney, Mr. Barba. He'll be here in a little while to go over your testimony for the trial. Fin, Rollins and I will take the testimony of the girls who are ready to testify." Olivia told him, "I suggest you have coffee ready before he gets here. It will put him in a good mood."

Sonny did what Olivia advised him to do.

He was sipping his own coffee when he heard a voice behind him, "Detective Carisi, I presume?"

He turned around and saw a dark-haired man with green eyes, dressed incredibly stylishly, reaching out his hand.

"Rafael Barba."

Sonny grabs his hand and says, "Dominick Carisi, but you can call me-"

The moment their hands touched each other, their hearts began to beat in a rhythm that they both knew by heart, and in mirror image they each brought their free hand to their hearts.

"Sonny?" Rafael smiled slightly, "or should I say, d'Artagnan?"

"I'm happy to have found you again, Porthos." answered Sonny with the same smile.

They stayed like that for a few moments. Then Rafael coughed, took his hand away from Sonny's and continued, "Detective, although this is more than strange and I wish I could explore that right now, we have a job to do. However-"

Sonny pouted, a little disappointed.

"Let me finish d'Artagnan. However as I was saying, and I hope you don't think I'm being too abrupt, I'd like to have dinner with you tonight to compare notes..." said Rafael with a lopsided grin.

Sonny figured finally losing a dream to this reality didn't seem so bad.

And that night's dinner and all the others that followed proved to him that reality was even better than the dream.

A few months later, when after an evening of making out on the couch, he had the courage to tell Rafael how he felt and received a more than passionate response in return, their hearts began to beat in unison a new rhythm.

  
  


Ba-ba

Ba-thuump-ba-ba

Thuump-thuump-thuump

Ba-ba-ba-thuump

Ba

Thuump-ba-thuump-thuump

Thuump-thuump-thuump

Ba-ba-thuump

  
  


.. / .-.. --- ...- . / -.-- --- ..-

I LOVE YOU

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Thank you SarahCakes613 for the beta reading ! And if you didn't read her stories, go now because she is an amazing writer!
> 
> I am always happy to read what you think about my stories, don't hesitate here or on twitter !


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